I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
