You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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