I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
