the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
