Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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