Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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