This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
