On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
