well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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