Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
