my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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