I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
