i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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