...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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