The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
