u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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