Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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