Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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