Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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