Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
