You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
