So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
