he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
whose parrot is this?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
