...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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