And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
