Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
