you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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