I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
