dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i already hear my dad disowning me
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
