i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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