bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
