last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you will always have a special place in my vag
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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