I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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