I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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