neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
