Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
