quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
