Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
