Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize