i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i drank out of a bidet.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
