going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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