the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
