whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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