it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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