Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
