No stitches, just platelets and will power
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
