so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just found puke in my bra..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
