Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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