Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
