I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
