please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
zippers are such a cool invention
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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