Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
