I need help removing her.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
