You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
