He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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