i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
