you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
