im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
