I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
