She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
