I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
