I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize