fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
