this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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