areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
