Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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