im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
