Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
