I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
