Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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