i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
