so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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