i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
