i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Watching her eat just hurts me
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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