how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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