Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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