im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
