One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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