Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
