i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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