the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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