brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
