I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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