I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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