It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We don't watch enough power rangers
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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