I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
