i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
